Aaron's Top 5: Pokemon Evil Teams

Pokémon evil teams. They range from the mafia to eco terrorist to teenagers who couldn’t even steal a bus stop. But no matter the generation, one thing that can be said about the teams, is that they’re entertaining through their simplicity. For the most part. While the teams do have an easy to follow motive and plan (exceptions vary), there’s a lot more depth to these sprites than you may think. Just because the character has 10 facial expressions, doesn’t mean there was only 10 minutes spent writing them. Evil doesn’t have to be complicated. Hell, some of these people, I wouldn’t even classify as evil. They still need to go to jail for what they did though.

Just how evil are they? Well, let’s take a look.

Guys, Gals, & Non Binary Pals. This is Animated Aaron’s Top 5 Pokémon Villains!

5: Team Plasma

It’s Monty Pythons flying circus!

I wasn’t really into the designs for the grunts at first. But then I realized, it actually works better than some of the designs for the villain teams. Plasma wants to ‘liberate’ Pokémon from the ‘oppressors’ known as trainers. They see themselves as the, well, knights in shining armor standing for what is right! Might as well buy your own hype and dress the part.

Pokémon has always had some sort of self-aware humor or comment at some point in the adventure, but this was the first time it was in the player’s face throughout. The idea of the series is to show Pokémon respect and be nice to others. The whole world shares one sky. So…what’s with the tournaments where we force magical animals into legalized dog-fights? Yeah, you’re really showing the love there. Now, of course, the gen 5 games try and play it down the middle showing the pros and cons introducing a clever debate for the characters to have. It’s a competition and these Pokémon can take the hits. Like how mma fighters get a beer after they go 3 rounds. But you’re still capturing the animals against their will and training them to fight.

Team Plasma was a great challenge for long time Pokémon players. In the sense that they bring attention to an often ignored plot point in the games I mean. They’re still the villains. Meaning, they’re doing something in some kind of way that you (the player) need to stop. It kind of loses its meaning when you’re stopping two plasma grunts from assaulting a Pokémon to get an item from it. Or when they destroy a city to send a message.

This doesn’t bother me too much since it proves going to one extreme isn’t the way to fix another extreme. But…guys…come on.    

4: Aether Foundation

You know what’s better than a villain team that thinks two wrongs make a right? A villain team that doesn’t even know they’re the villains. …Well, the ‘grunts’ and the public don’t know anyway.

Aether is basically a wildlife foundation. They take in lost and injured Pokémon nurturing them. At first I figured this was a lie since the opening cut scene is a girl being chased by some employees before escaping with a Pokémon. So obviously they’re bad right? Well, no. Lillie stole that Pokémon from the higher ups. Security is just doing their job.

Meaning, the twist is that the board of directors of the company are the ones up to something. The employees are just that. Employees. They come into work and get paid to make sure the Pokémon are safe. They’re just as surprised as you are when ‘Pokémon from another dimension’ just start showing up. It’s one of the few teams where the ‘evil’ comes 100% from the leader. Lusamine.

So what makes Lusamine ‘evil’? Well, they don’t show it (thank God) but she abused her two children Lillie and Gladion for not being ‘perfect’. Basically, ‘be a doll that I can customize both physically and in personality and I’ll respect you’. She applies this logic onto the Pokémon as well. How? Well in her room are some Pokémon kept frozen in state so that she can ‘love them’. What the hell does that mean? Don’t know. And I think that’s the best part.

This witch is zubat-sh*t crazy and needs to be stopped. She can’t be reasoned with nor was she in the end. She honestly can’t tell that what’s she’s doing and what she’s done is wrong. And I like that. Sometimes you can’t talk ‘the bad guy’ down. It’s good to know why they might be doing something, but that doesn’t take away the fact that they’re hurting someone/something because of their arrogance. Lusamine is conducting illegal experiments as well as ripping apart the fabric of space of time while telling her lower ranked employees, ‘Don’t be late for our Thursday picnic! We’re holding a raffle!’

I wish there was an option to punch her in the face.

3: Team Rocket

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta. A sci-fi gangsta. Similar to Aether foundation, the lower ranked members are almost a complete 180 turn from the higher ups. The difference is, the grunts are still bad guys. They kidnap Pokémon from trainers, poach wild ones and harass civilians. I don’t care if they’re teenagers looking for cash, you respect your elders! Oh, and stop chopping off Pokémon’s tails so you can sell them as food. That’s also important.

I say teenagers because the dialogue given to the grunts makes them come across as insecure idiots using crime as an outlet. That and they look a few years older than the player’s character who’s supposed to be around 10. What kind of mafia dyes their hair pink? It’s a nice color, but I’m not taking you seriously.

What I do take seriously are the scientist who created MewTwo. One of the most powerful Pokémon in the franchise and was the most powerful at the time. The bases you have to go through give you a lot of lore to explore. The experiments are told through journal entries and while effective, the scientist aren’t that hard to beat. Hell, the grunts aren’t that hard to beat. Hell, the main villain wasn’t that hard for me. Who is the leader anyway?

Only the final gym leader in Kanto.

What I love about Team Rocket is how they’re woven into the plot of the first two mainstream games. You find out Pokémon can actually die, because team rocket kills a cubone’s mother. You get build up to a fight with Red, the first protagonist in the first generation games, through Team Rocket trying to build themselves back up after being disbanded 3 years ago due to Red’s interference. You’re told there’s a monster inside Cerulean Cave and you have no clue what it is. Guess who’s responsible for that noise? A bunch of pink haired jackasses lead by a guy whose suit oozes swag.

2: Team Skull

I always had a dislike for hip-hop’s portrayal in non-black oriented media. That isn’t to say I have a ‘stay in your lane’ policy (which is a stupid policy), it’s just annoying when someone who obviously never listens to hip-hop, is now asked to write a character who does. The director of ‘The Exorcist 2’ openly admitted he didn’t like ‘The Exorcist’ and ‘The Exorcist 2’ sucks. Get the idea? Thus there’s a lack of investment when I see the trope ‘white nerd acting black’. I get that they’re supposed to be a joke, but you’re asking me to laugh at the way he’s talking instead of an actual joke.

Thank God For Team Skull!

Why’re these dorks so funny? Because they’re actually telling a joke. Their speech pattern isn’t the teams’ entire identity. It’s just the aesthetic for them. Two grunts show up claiming to have fought you before. If you say ‘I don’t remember’ then they figure ‘oh, I was standing here and he was standing here’ and then switch places before asking ‘how about now?’ All while swaying their arms like they have no idea what ‘stand still’ means. They’re hilarious to look at and at no point are you supposed to take these idiots seriously. They failed in stealing a bus stop sign. The trial captains flat out ignore these guys. The only reason you entire their base (which is a town, I thought that was cool) is to retrieve a Pokémon they stole that isn’t even rare. 1 Pokémon guys. Ugh.

There is so much character put into each grunt that I’m willing to ignore that they all go down in 1 hit. Including the boss Guzma. From the one on a roof who quotes Shakespeare to the couple having an argument about stealing one another’s clothes, these dorks had me smiling whenever they were on screen.

Not every villain wants to take over the world. These cotton candy haired clods just want money and have too much free time on their hands. Ironic that their comedy is very tongue and cheek despite not being able to see their mouths.   

1: Team Magma/Team Aqua

My #1 problem with Pokémon as a franchise is that they release 2 games that are the exact same. One has Growlithe, the other has Vulpix. Oh no! Aside from that minor change, there’s no change in plot between Diamond and Pearl. In Gold, you get Ho-oh before Lugia and it’s the other way for Silver version. Team rocket is still doing the same exact thing in both versions. Let’s not act like the split is for any other reason than for Pokémon to make more money.

Team Magma with Ruby and Team Aqua with Sapphire decided to ask the question…‘wanna bet?’

Now you could argue that these two are the same team just with a different dialogue. They’re saying the same thing but it’s phrased differently depending on whose talking. I agree to some sense.

Both teams are eco-terrorist. Magma wanting to use their game’s legendary to heat up the world, creating more landmass for the Pokémon who need it. Aqua doing the opposite making it rain increasing the water levels for the Pokémon who need it. Both teams are stupid for doing this, but you can at least see where they’re coming from. Again, these guys aren’t ‘evil’ but they’re just going to the extreme to fix an extreme.

Here’s my argument. The characters are actually different. They don’t just swap aesthetics.

I wouldn’t give team Skull a ‘heavy metal’ aesthetic for their outfits. The ‘hip-hop’ is a part of their identity and I can’t imagine them as sports fans or astrologers. Same thing applies here. Team Magma are a bunch of hi-strung militarized kids who stomp everywhere they go. They act like they’re sh*t doesn’t stink but have the intimidating features of lap dogs. ‘You’ll be sorry when Maxie gets here’. Oh yeah, I’m so scared that you’re getting you’re grandpa to fight me!

So how about Aqua? As expected, they’re the polar opposites. That being pirates. The teenagers (sure are a lot of adolescents in these child games) dress with bandana’s and get into petty arguments but stand together when you appear to face them. It’s kind of funny how they view vandalism as a fun thing to do instead of their job. They take it seriously enough to steal what their boss Archie has told them. But you get the sense that Archie doesn’t mind them doing something like jacking a man’s wallet on the way out of the weather institute. But because they’re all dorks, they just tilt a painting in a museum…bastards!

There’s enough space between the two for me to get invested in both stories despite the games being so similar. The two teams not only stand on their own, but they exist the both games. Meaning we have the main team you fight against in that version you’re playing, then we the other guys spray painting over their stuff and throwing shade when you meet them.

The only thing missing is a Romeo & Juliet side plot between the teams….oh wait they did that in the remakes for the games at the Battle Resort.

Yeah, I got no complaints with these two. Not only do they break the mold, they set the mold on fire after drowning it. You have no idea how salty I am that Pokémon hasn’t gone back to this idea since it was introduced. Get someone to make a mod of Sun & Moon where its skull vs aether and I will be a happy man.

What’s your opinion?